Realm Of Words

 Finally, I did it. This morning, finally, I went jogging. And my brother joined me, which made it better. We had the opportunity to run at local sport stadium which is not too far from house. I walked und ran for about forty minutes. It was good. I felt refreshed after I ran. I felt like my body thanked me from doing right thing. 

This life doesn't come with a manual book. Often times, you have to learn everything autodidactically. Sometimes you choose not to learn but win your ego. The one which help you survive. However, retrospectively you can set aside that thing to reflect. But, somehow retrospective learning is slow and late. Simple lesson you get from experience can help you navigate better. Some people don't like it when you fold the corner of a book. They hate it to the point they will cut off the friendship. The lesson; be careful next time you borrow your friend's book. Don't forget to apologize after making that mistake, so no social bond must be sacrificed. Even though an apology doesn't guarantee that. At least, it will reduce the risk. So, nothing to lose. Lower your damn ego a bit probably.  I thought folding book's paper wasn't a big deal. While I was staring at his annoyed face, I wondered, what was really wrong? Why it made him angry. I didn't get it. I remember...

 If you had chosen a superpower, what would you have? I can't tell. Living for a long time is not my dream since I love sleeping very much. A skill to be invisible? I don't think I need it since I don't have any willingness to eavesdrops. And how would you utilize that information you got? I have no idea. Then, I suppose, stopping time is what I want. Since I have wasted it much.  But somehow, I know what my current skill is. It's chasing away people. I am good at ignoring and making them annoyed and leave me. Is it a skill? But is it a skill or a mere weakness? Or you can make it as an excuse: My weakness is my strength, heh. No, honestly, I learn to accept this dark side of mine. Learning and understanding this specific person is a real struggle. And now I realize the gravity of my stupidity. Still, chasing people away by lying is not actually my thing. Will I be punished afterlife for this? I do regret. I was wrong and deeply apologize. Sorry for being childish and d...

 I wonder. Why I feel this way. Everything seems messed up. I remember that day, I don't feel right about our relationship. It felt grayish. You message me as if I am someone. But, we progressed nowhere. Perhaps, It was just a play? Or solely a friend? But I don't think that is what a friend supposed to be. Then, I found the easiest way, to cut down our channel by saying I would get married. I didn't like your taste of humor and that stuck relationship. I had a feeling that you too, didn't have any intentions or courage to escalate it into the next level. So I lied. I said that I had found someone, and I would send you an invitation. I asked your address but ended up sending nothing. Because the truth is there is no marriage.  It's been five years, hasn't it? And We completely become stranger. No message sent at all. All is cut off. Do you have any clue that it was a lie? Now, I kind of regret it. I wasn't supposed to tell you a lie. However, I don't hav...

 Seberapa jauh perjalanan yang perlu ditempuh untuk sampai? Ketika memikirkan hal ini, semuanya akan terasa berat. Pikiran, dan hati akan tebebani karena pandangan dipenuhi oleh ribuan langkah yang mesti ditempuh untuk tiba di tujuan. Ada juga yang tidak tahu sama sekali tentang tujuan mereka. Tak tahu kemana melangkah, tiap langkah kecilnya selalu diikuti ketakutan. Hingga kita kadang memutuskan untuk ambil jalan termudah, tidak melakukan apa-apa.  Namun, tidak melakukan apa-apa bukan berarti kamu tidak kemana-mana. Waktu akan menyeret kamu, ke tempat yang sama sekali tidak terprediksi, yang acap kali berupa tempat yang tidak mengenakkan, penyesalan. Tulisan ini adalah peringatan dan juga ajakan untuk diri sendiri yang kerap tak sengaja terlelap dan tak melakukan apapun.  Kalau boleh jujur berpendapat, sepertinya pikiranmu sudah terlalu terkontaminasi oleh keragu-raguan kronis. Ketidakpercayaandirimu sudah terlalu kronis, sepertinya. Bukan tanpa dasar sih, aku bicara dem...

 I would like to remind myself to expect less to anything in this world. Nurturing yourself and accepting that emptiness. It can't be helped that I feel overwhelmed. Look back into my track record I catch more unfinished works than finished ones. That long list of unfinished things burdened me hard and prevent me from moving any further. My head cluttered, just like my room. How to sort significant and insignificant? Important and unimportant ones? Frequently, I feel that things are made for a purpose, even for a piece of trash. Probably, that's why I keep a piece of useless receipt, empty tube or packages. On the other hand, I also think that I have trashed this earth too much.