Realm Of Words

If an alien asks me How to act like human, I doubt that I can give it a good answer. Because actually, I don't quite understand. Despite the fact that I am a human itself. If I am an agent that was sent by another planet's creatures to dig in human's life, then I don't do a good job. Because, leave in the earth is very confusing, I wonder what kind of report that can I give to them. Perhaps, I am just able to report my confusion.  This life is complicated. And the existence of virtual life makes human who is native to the earth more confuse. Some of them no longer have the ability to know them self, even as basic as their sexual identity. Chaos anywhere, and I feel that I am left behind in the black hole of confusion. Whilst everybody else enjoying their confusion, I just watch in the corner, try to figure out, try to decode those stir.  But then, I am tired. This brain of mine started to overwhelm. As the consequence, I need more hours to sleep. Sleep like baby. I need...

How do you get used to this feeling? The feeling of uncertainty, the feeling of fear of unknown. Rasanya ingin menghindar ketika dihadapkan dalam situasi ini. Namun, dibalik ketidaknyamanannya, this uncertainty feeling sometimes hides a treasure. This feeling has been with me since the afternoon. Aku mulai mengidentifikasi perasaan tidak nyaman ini sebagai ketakutanku jika tidak bisa mempresentasikan materi dengan baik. Padahal, ketika kuliah, perasaan ini adalah teman yang tiap hari menyapa. Di situasi semacam ini, aku perlu menjustifikasi banyak hal, menjelaskan berbagai macam hal termasuk cara kerja dunia dan pikiran orang lain untuk menenangkan diri. Aku juga mencoba untuk membelah diri, mencoba menjadi pengamat atas diriku yang sedang gelisah. Pengamat yang tak menghakimi, memvalidasinya, dan menghiburnya bahwa perasaan ini sungguh hal wajar, dan terkadang,sisi baiknya,  membuatku menyadari bahwa aku manusia.  Risiko orang overthinking, barangkali. Aku tengah berusaha men...